Beauty In Singleness
About two years ago, I wrote a post related to singleness for a friend of mine. She was doing a series on vocations, and I was asked to write about my experience with being single. Of course, I was more than happy to do this. So, here I am, some time later, updating the post and sharing it on my page. Here's a little secret I shared on her blog: I've never been in a relationship. That statement still holds true to this day, and you know what? I think it's beautiful.
The English language is a funny thing. A single word can have multiple meanings. For this reason, we often associate different understandings to a word. When people hear the word “single”, they usually think of a person who is alone. Even the internet lists off synonyms of single as lone, solitary, and isolated. Granted, there are different meanings to the word, but these fit in with what our culture thinks about when speaking of a single person, relationship wise. We also live in a world where society puts pressure on an individual to have a significant other. While there isn’t an issue with desiring a boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to be able to let everything come into play on its own time. Here’s a piece of advice: do not give in to the pressure of a relationship if there are no mutual feelings, if you do not feel ready for one, or if it’s what society wants you to do. Give everything time to work out because I am certain that the outcome will be much greater. Just because you are single, it does not mean you are alone, rather, you are growing.
At nineteen years old, I have little experience when it comes to relationships. I've talked to guys and gone on a couple of dates, but that's about it. Singleness is a topic that weighs heavily on my heart. Even though I'm continuously learning to love this season of my life, I'm happy to take the chance to express with you how beautiful it is to be single. Yes, you read that right. There is so much beauty rooted in being single. It shouldn't be overlooked.
I’m not going to lie and say that being single is the greatest thing I’ve experienced. It can be rough at times, but I am finding peace within it. In my opinion, the hardest part of being single is wishing for the person who is going to strive to make you happy, who's smallest gestures feel like the world, and who understands you and loves you deeply. I feel lonely at times, especially when surrounded by friends and their partners, but that feeling eventually goes away. I have grown more than I realized over these past couple of years because I have come to accept singleness as a part of who I am at this point in my life, and that is something I am learning to be happy with. I choose to be happy with it.
Looking at the aspect of singleness, there are several positives that come as a result. Here are three important ways that I have found the good in being single. First, look around and pick out the things that have brought joy to your life. When you do this, you’ll be able to focus more time on what is important to you, which will help you figure out what you value most in your daily life and in your relationships. Second, this waiting period, as we like to call it, has been the perfect opportunity for me to strengthen my relationship with Jesus Himself. I think it’s important for me to be in a good place with Christ before pursuing a relationship with a guy because I want to feel confident in who I am, and to know what it is I’m looking for in a person. When in a relationship, God’s love will be the center of it because He is the center of my life. Third, I encourage you to take this time to allow yourself to grow into the person you desire to be. Singleness is a fulfilling and nourishing part of one's life, whether we like to admit it or not. By practicing these tips, you will discover a light at the end of the tunnel and become happier with the journey.
This post is not meant to receive pity. I am not asking you to feel sorry, sad, or disappointed for me, nor for others experiencing singleness. I write this as a way to bring light onto the word, "single." I want to encourage people. This season of waiting contains great value. There is so much to be learned from it. So much hope to grasp. So much joy to discover. So much self-improvement to encounter. There is meaning in the waiting. Singleness is not a lifestyle, nor is it a choice. Being single is a beautiful destination in one's life. Either you have experienced this season, will experience it, or are currently residing in it. Whatever the case, everyone goes through this stage of life at a different pace. Your time spent alone is important. You are growing. Singleness does not literally mean being alone or isolated. Instead, you are alone with your heart. You are in this season to learn more about yourself that no one else can teach you. You are alone to grow in the ways you need to in order to be the person someone will need when the time comes.
Doubts and fears, negativity and anger, are common emotions. Don't focus on the why. Why am I waiting so long? Why does every guy/girl I talk to not resonate with me? Why is no one interested in me? Why are my friends in relationships and I'm not? This attitude will only cause more distress in your heart. Coming from personal experience, this thinking puts a heavy weight on your heart, and lowers your self-esteem. I have days when I really struggle to embrace where I am in life. I begin to compare my situations to other people, and this makes me sad. Everyday I have a small, if not long, thought about singleness. When this thought comes up, I have two choices: either take in the present and lift myself up with positivity, or ponder on the reasons why I'm not in a relationship and ruin my mood. I can't say that I lean towards positivity 100% of the time, but I try. Feeling alone is normal when you don't have that person. I long for the day when I meet him and instantly know, "You are the reason I have experienced this waiting period. I will continue growing into the best version of myself for you, as well as for me." I think looking at singleness as a way to become a better person is a great thought process. I say this because we should love who we are as an individual before we expect another person to love us. If we can't appreciate where we are in life and aren't willing to grow personally, then we can't expect another person to come into our life and change that.
It starts with you. It starts with your willingness to seek happiness within yourself. Seek joy with God. He will guide you in this season. I'm growing in my relationship with God everyday because I want to know Him better before I pursue a relationship. In all honestly, I think about the fun, the joys, and the experience of dating, but I'm not ready for it at this moment in my life. My heart is weighed down by singleness, but I need to appreciate it more than I do. I like where I am in life, yet I still see areas where I need to grow before I can expect to put enough effort into a relationship. It's not selfish to focus on yourself for a while. Embrace it. The beauty found within this season of singleness is incredible. It is a time for knowing your true self, what you're seeking, and the values you hold in life. Do not lose hope on this journey. Your person is out there. When you least expect it, they'll be walking into your path and you'll be thankful for the alone time you were given to earn a little more love for yourself, so that you can be confident and present with this new destination.
Wherever you are in your life, stop and look at its beauty. If you’re currently single, don’t put yourself down with the “I’m not good enough” lies because in truth, you are SO enough. We are created with God’s goodness. Take this time to let God’s love shine through your heart daily. Let singleness be a time of patience, growth, and joy. Whatever your “status” may be, seek the beauty of it and embrace it because it’s a true blessing from God. So, single or not, celebrate!
Let's pray for each other!
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